Category Archives: New York City

Give Me a Break

24 Sunday Mar 2013

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Image courtesy of ahmet guler / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed of late. I do too much. We all do too much, don’t we? As an ex-perfectionist, I still sometimes think I can manage everyone’s expectations and my own, give one hundred percent to my relationships, and take care of basic human functioning while succeeding at every. single. thing. handed to me. I can do it all!

ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAR!

If age and maturity have given me anything, though, it’s knowing when I’m defeated and being able to admit it.

So I’m here to say: I can’t do it all. Not well anyway.

Meow.

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One Woman’s Journey Back to Television

10 Sunday Mar 2013

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This one time, I went to a Renaissance Faire and stopped by a fortune teller’s tent.

(I know the above sentence is a lot to take in. It tells you that: 1.) I’m the type of person who goes to Renaissance Faires, 2.) I’m the type of person to solicit the services of a charlatan, and 3.) I went inside a stranger’s tent. I have no defense. I enjoy all of these activities.)

The fortune teller was a woman of a certain age with bright eyes, wearing the requisite dangly jewelry. Her tent was homey and purple and filled with flowers. She radiated comfort.

Rather than read my palm or sort out any cards, she claimed that in order to best tell me my future she had to hold my hand. This was the only way to galvanize the forces of the universe, which coursed through my body and flowed out of my fingertips.

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The Evils of Advertising

03 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by in New York City

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There are many wonderful things on the Internet. Cats live inside the Internet, for example. And people use a lot of exclamation points to show their emotions online. Not to mention all the naked people you can find on here, too.

But I think I’ve stumbled upon the bestest Internet something yet!

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Making the Oscars Better

24 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in New York City

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I love movies. When I was in summer camp in middle school, the camp counselors would take us to movies during the heat of the day. The local movie theatre ran discount shows during off-peak times for large groups. We would all climb into the summer camp van for a 10:00 AM showing of movies like All Dogs Go to Heaven, An American Tail, and Milo and Otis. In the dark of the cool theatre, I would laugh, gasp, and hold back tears while choking down a big roll of Sprees. I loved every minute of it.

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We Need 10 CCs of Feminism – STAT

10 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by in New York City

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I’m “that person” – the one known for pointing out sexism, noticing gendered language, or speaking up about inequalities. I get eye rolls. Someone even patted me on the head once after I said, “Not ‘male nurse.’ Just ‘nurse.’” Whenever I speak up, people inevitably ask, “Why are you making this about gender?”

Then I read this garbage. Or learn about a movement called masculism. Or hear about one more gang rape and murder.

There will be no sheepish apology from me for being “that person.” Whether we like it or not, the world is divided by sex, and those sexes are not treated equally or given equal access to the power structure.

My pointing that out is not the injustice. Calling something sexist is not worse than the actual sexism. Continue reading »

The Way of the Dildo, or: How to Be a Professional Businesswoman

27 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by in New York City

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What the hell did I just say?Image courtesy of photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What the hell did I just say?
Image courtesy of photostock/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a writer.

Around the age of six or seven, as soon as I got basic spelling down, I crafted a story about a half-man, half-pegasus creature named Beauty Mann. The extra “n” is a mystery to me now; at the time, I probably thought it gave him something special, as though a flying centaur needed bolstering in that department. Continue reading »

Jon Stewart, Sexy Beast Smartypants Dreamboat Captain Big Daddy Studmuffin*

13 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by in New York City

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Yours truly, at a taping of The Daily Show, with my hand over Jon Stewart’s poster crotch. I’m pixilated because my molecules were excited. And yes, I wear cartoon sunglasses indoors.

I am not, as they say, a celebrity whore. I don’t subscribe to the notion that there are some people out there who deserve worship above others based on a random series of fortuitous events. No sir. Celebrities certainly live better than the rest of us, but that doesn’t mean they are better. Maybe some are. Some are not. I know that I am, at least, better than Charlie Sheen. You are, too. I don’t take it on face value that celebrities deserve our undivided attention because the celebrity industrial complex deems it so.

However, what I lack in overall interest, I make up for by intensely liking a select few celebrities who I feel are exceptional. Continue reading »

My Son, the Elephant

30 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by in New York City

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Image courtesy of foto76 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of foto76 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I was never into Disney as a little girl. I found the characters too shrill and cloying, not to mention unfunny. Mickey and Minnie seemed to me like those camp counselors you had who thought that if you wrote down your negative feelings on a piece of paper and then threw it away, you would feel better. As a 6-year-old, I distinctly remember thinking, You can go can go to hell and drown in friendship bracelets, Mickey and Minnie.

Well, maybe not in so many words.

I was really more of a Danger Mouse, Mighty Mouse, and Bugs Bunny kid. However, there was one Disney character that touched me so deeply, ruined me so wholly, that the effects are still in place today. I refer to Dumbo, the big-eared elephant.

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It’s a Wonderful Christmas Story, Charlie Brown

23 Sunday Dec 2012

Posted by in New York City

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It’s an understatement to say that it’s been a tough week or two. My blog colleagues have summed up their feelings and my own succinctly, beautifully, and in ways that leave little else to be said. After a certain point – and I say this as a writer – you don’t look for words anymore. Just action.

So I thought maybe we could use a change of subject. And considering that the annual Day of Mass Consumption is upon us, I thought I’d take a moment or two to explore the most stirring aspects of the season.

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