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Yo KimWow, looks like my post days are falling on all the holidays. First Election Day (it counts), then Christmas, now New Year’s Day. How were your NYEs? Did you all get drunk and get laid? Yes? Good for you! No? Good for you!

I feel a little pressure to write something profound going into the new year. Reflection and rebirth. Regret and gratitude. But I’m not going to do that because a) ugh, I’m so lazy right now and b) I’m learning that not everything can or should be tied up in to a nice little bow. Life is filled with milestones and new beginnings and while it’s good to have certain shared cultural moments to mark the occasion, we shouldn’t feel pressure to make resolutions when we don’t necessarily need them. Or feel boxed in to these times as our only opportunity to resolve ourselves to change when we do. Change can happen whenever we decide we’re ready and able, first of the year or not. Crap. That turned out being kinda profound after all, didn’t it? Sorry.

In the same vein, I also almost never make New Year’s resolutions. But for the purpose of this blog, I’ll throw up a few. Don’t hold me to them, though. I want the option to be an unaccountable hypocrite in 2013. That being said, here we go.

My Kinda-But-Not-Really Resolutions for 2013

1) Speak more Spanish to Kiddo. I’m fluent and always thought that when I had a kid I’d speak Spanish to her at home so that she could become fluent, too. That way, she could pick up a third or even a fourth language easier when she was older, if she was into that sort of thing. And she’d be smarter and therefore better than other people’s dumb kids. And also so we can talk about other people in front of them in a secret language and be assholes together. HA HA HA JUST KIDDING. Kinda.

My problem is, I really hate speaking it in front of people who don’t understand. I feel so self-conscious. Mostly because I feel like I’m making non-speakers feel uncomfortable, or moreover, the feeling that I’m the pretentious non-Hispanic white woman who just so happens to speak Spanish and I’m going to rub it in your face, dummy. Is that dumb? That’s probably dumb. But that’s how I feel and it prevents me from speaking it most of the time. Get me around a bunch of native speakers, or even alone, and you can’t stop me. But that’s not as common these days. I used to speak Spanish more to Kiddo when she was very little. But once we moved in with my parents, I pretty much stopped all together. Part of me just sort of believes that she’ll grow up and just magically know Spanish because I know Spanish, and it will be genetically passed down in the same way that she has my eyes and stubborn bossiness. But I guess it doesn’t work that way, sigh. So I’ve been reading things and I’m going to make a more conscious effort to try to speak Spanish more with her. Though it won’t be easy. Already at only 18-months, she’s so used to English that when I do speak Spanish to her, she furrows her brow and says “No, no, no!” shaking her head furiously. Not havin’ it. But I just have to keep at it. I’ve accepted that she probably won’t be completely fluent as a kid, but at least she’ll be familiar and have a big of a jump on it. And then there’s the crazy idea that she’ll get older and say, “I could give a fuckall about another language, Mom, leave me alone.” And that will be fine, too. Just fine. If she wants to break her mother’s heart. No, no. Really. That’s fine.

2) Eat better. Yeah, I know, this is probably on everyone’s resolution list. But I’ve had a slew of stomach issues in 2012 that leads me and my doctors to believe that something is going on, we just don’t know what. I won’t go into detail ABOUT MY BUTTHOLE PROBLEMS but basically I have to stop eating crap whenever I want. I am very, very, very, very bad at this. I’ve had so many bizarre medical problems in my life that I’ve just gotten used to something or other not working correctly at any given time. And surviving the medical-fiasco that was my Peace Corps experience just added to that attitude. (“What is that that just came out of me? Is it… moving? Meh.”) But I’ve really got to take better care of myself. Make sure all the gears are working. I’m getting older, guys. I need to survive the next 17-years so I can be that 50-something woman some describe as “eccentric” and “mysterious” (though others would describe as “cat lady”). So no more eating crap. Only on special occasions. Or once in awhile. Or if I’m watching The Real Housewives. Or if I’m sad or bored. Ok, not then, that’s bad. Maybe just sad. But definitely not bored. Maybe.

3) GET MONEY. I’ve never been more motivated to work and make money in my life. After ten years of giving my heart and soul working for non-profit organizations, I’m officially over it. GIVE ME THAT PROBLEM, BIGGIE. It was cool to be poor in my 20s. I didn’t mind eating ramen and having hand-me-down furniture. In my 30s? Not so much. And being a single mom completely amplifies that desire. It’s no longer just about wanting to be able to buy those new shoes or put some money away for a vacation later this year, but the need to provide for my daughter, now and in the future. I finally also have a job that allows me the very real possibility of actual financial security. I am very, very lucky, which is a big part of it. The bigger part is actual hustle. So goodbye social life, hello workaholic. 2013 has to be a big year for me financially. So big that I can write for this blog full time from my golden castle. My blog, dictated to and typed by my slaves. Because I will have slaves. I’ll be relatively nice to them, mind you, but they will still be enslaved.

That’s it. That’s all. Those are my three. Only one of them is probably going to happen though and the other two will probably be out the window before the end of January. And that’s fine, too. Because we all agree that New Year’s Resolutions are dumb, right? Right?!

Now let’s start this year off right. By googling more about Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy, because OMG, SO EXCITED.

Image courtesy of: absolutely-spectacular.tumblr.com/